San Francisco [06.08-06.12]

Grace, 22, Catholic Christian, middle school teacher

I felt like if I breathed, God would know exactly what was in each little particle. And that was a big change from growing up and thinking that God was making me scrupulous and I was never as good or as Christian as I should be.

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To be without hope is to be without God. To be without community is to be without God. Could be community found in nature, could be community found in people.

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I’m so tired but at the same time I’m starting to see things as gifts, and that’s good.

Sarah, 34, Christian Science/Jewish, writer, woman, mom, wife

My concept of God, which was a God who loved us and made things ok for human beings, just doesn’t hold water anymore. I feel like after [my sister in law] Katherine died I was like, “I’ve been denying all these people all these bad things that are happening to them, you know?" It’s so unfair to deny all these people their experiences just because I want to believe that everything’s OK. It’s just not OK -- things are not OK, you know? They might be OK on a cosmic level, or a divine level, but I’m not divine, I’m a human being and they’re not OK. All over the world way worse things are happening and I’ve been trying to find a way to rationalize them. Now I do not believe in a loving God -- which is a really painful place to be in. ... What I hope for is an experience to be able to still love a God that I don’t believe is loving.